three white stripes

the past days have proven themselves to be quite difficult. my first diagnosis would be loneliness. however, after thought and consideration, i am fairly certain that is not the problem. rather the problem lies in my idleness. i tend to not fight for anything i want, or need. i hope it comes, and if not, frustration is my embrace. i very well may have a problem with fighting for things. whenever i do fight for something, it usually leads to rejection, and i do not handle that very well. i wonder what i will do with my life, or who i will spend my life with, and where will i be in five years. it is kind of exciting not knowing the answers to these questions. it leaves an element of mystery and surprise in our life. i suppose i am just weary. weary of many things. most of all, i am tired of apathy.