fifty people; one question

when people are big and God is small

the book mentioned in the title is phenomenal. if you are ever looking to have your world turned upside down, you should pick up this book. the end.

"need people less, love people more"
-welch

titanic

sometimes the Lord speaks in ways that blow my mind. not that it takes much to blow my mind, it is quite finite. however, in the moments when we are literally clueless, and he speaks, that stirs my soul in unexplainable ways. our God is good, and he still speaks, and he still moves. praise Christ.

she is a ghost

i realize much of this blog finds me doing rather poorly. however, i started this blog at a unique and painful time in mylife, thus, the sorrowful entries. i would apologize for this, but then again, no body is asking you to read my blog, and besides, you could probably find a more interesting one anyways. just saying. today i awoke with the feeling of possible vomiting. (little piece of information, nathan has not thrown up since his days in elementary school.) maybe you did not want to know that, but once again, no one is making you read this although i am incredibly humbled that you would. these days have proven to be somewhat easier. i seem to slip in and out of joy. i suppose what the scriptures say are true when they say God has broken us that he may bind us up, he has torn us, but he will heal us. i know what this means, and am learning more and more each day what it looks like. God's ways are not man's, and i am incredible grateful for that but sometimes i want to take things into my own hands; i want control. then again, i suppose my gracious Father is breaking me of that, in his immense love. I have learned much these past two weeks, and am slowly experiencing the tender love of the almighty God. I have always known that God is good, and disciplines the ones he loves, and this discipline flowing from his love. however, i often know things but have yet to truly taste of them, yet to truly experience them. i plead you would breathe your sufficiency into my soul, that i would not only know you are sufficient, but that i would believe it, taste it, and deeply experience it. i need you, o loving Father.

melodic love affair

okay, so i grew up in a musical family. with that being said, i have an incredible love affair with the blessing known as music. something about it stirs my soul and inspires me, yes, even taylor swift. there are moments when a song is played and my heart clicks on in a new way, a way that has proved refreshing, and delicious. short and sweet.

grace abounds

it is easter today, and i cannot really sleep. i understand it is 7:14, so i should probably be awake anyways. it does not really feel like easter to me. i believe, growing up in america, that easter does not seem like easter when we get older because the mystical bunny, who i imagine to be about the height of my parents, stops delivering candies in the spirit of the season. so when that stops, so does the holiday. but should it? it is becoming more and more of a reality to me that this is true for me. that is not to say my parent's did not preach the gospel to me throughout easter, because they did. i suppose i just took it and ran the opposite direction. easter is not about the bunny. no matter how fun he is, with his candies, toys, and good spirits. God, i pray to be broken of this mind set this rainy easter sunday. the idea that a fictitious furry friend could so easily take the place of my savior, who was beaten, stripped naked, and mocked so that he would take on my sin, imparting to me his righteousness. as it is said, it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Father, in the midst of my hardships, my fears, and my joys, you are good. you are holy, faithful, and loving. i beg for your hand to stir me on toward yourself, and pursuit of deeper things.

brilliant

restoration

let me speak a word of hope. God is good, and he moves in love. he disciplines those whom he loves. let's be honest, sometimes his hand feels much heavier than we would prefer; much heavier than i would prefer. However, he is good.

God is good.

"nothing good comes without a fight"
-cobalt season.

orange juice and graduation

i am drinking my routine morning orange juice and eating a nice cinnamon raisin bagel right now, and it is nice. i think it is nice for the most part because it is a routine in my life. i know my orange juice will be in the fridge, and my bagel in the pantry, when i wake each morning. it is comforting to have such a consistency in my life, even if it is as simple as bread and juice. not much in my life has been consistent this last week or so, and it is scary. i have been dealing with certain thoughts, and dealing with them to what seems to be no accord. i do not like this. i like resolution, but it seems hard to come by these days.

i had a lengthy paragraph concerning marriage in our culture but decided it did not truly convey my ideas, so it is no more.

i am struggling.

i am not okay.

spoon, fork, knife.

so, i am at a transition point in my life dealing with a break up, establishing where certain things fit into my life, not knowing where i am going with my life, and quitting my job. assuming anyone even reads this, i don't expect you to feels sympathy for me. i know all to well how hard the heart can grow. if i read this somewhere, it would not move me at all. regardless, it is all very difficult. i am tired of letting my dreams become dust as i sit semi-comfortably at a mediocre job, so i left. i don't know what the next step will be, and that proves terrifying, but also beautiful. i know i will wrestle with failure before i dance with success. this all must be done.

sanctification, the process of being made to look more look jesus, is a painful and gorgeous matter. it is a battle. however, this too must be done. it is a difficult task separating yourself from someone, or something, that has taken the place of the Almighty. it involves tears, sleepless nights, and faith.
hosea 6:1 proclaims, "come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up"

i trust.

aaron lee martin

a word on love

love is not for the faint of heart, so it has been said. i feel like so many of us think we know what love is, but do we? granted, we have the scriptures that speak of love to its totality, so in that sense , yes, we do know what love is. but it seems to look so different for different people. it is messy, rough, but very beautiful. it is through love that we find redemption for our wretched, and filthy, souls. i don't know if anyone reads this, and i really doubt that anyone does, so i suppose this is more so me just talking to myself. i am okay with that. everyone seeks love. whether we know it or not, we long to be accepted and loved by others. when love is given it is a risk, but a risk worth taking. as a favorite poet of mine says, "our love was good and our love was right, i don't regret it, no not a single night." i feel like i am talking to myself, but as i said before, i am okay with that.