she is a ghost

i realize much of this blog finds me doing rather poorly. however, i started this blog at a unique and painful time in mylife, thus, the sorrowful entries. i would apologize for this, but then again, no body is asking you to read my blog, and besides, you could probably find a more interesting one anyways. just saying. today i awoke with the feeling of possible vomiting. (little piece of information, nathan has not thrown up since his days in elementary school.) maybe you did not want to know that, but once again, no one is making you read this although i am incredibly humbled that you would. these days have proven to be somewhat easier. i seem to slip in and out of joy. i suppose what the scriptures say are true when they say God has broken us that he may bind us up, he has torn us, but he will heal us. i know what this means, and am learning more and more each day what it looks like. God's ways are not man's, and i am incredible grateful for that but sometimes i want to take things into my own hands; i want control. then again, i suppose my gracious Father is breaking me of that, in his immense love. I have learned much these past two weeks, and am slowly experiencing the tender love of the almighty God. I have always known that God is good, and disciplines the ones he loves, and this discipline flowing from his love. however, i often know things but have yet to truly taste of them, yet to truly experience them. i plead you would breathe your sufficiency into my soul, that i would not only know you are sufficient, but that i would believe it, taste it, and deeply experience it. i need you, o loving Father.